what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
