I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
