D3 body, D1 cock
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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