are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
