Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
