Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
