omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
