so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
