U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
