I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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