I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
