Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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