Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
