I think im going to throw up on grandma
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
