we're blogging at a bar
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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