Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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