I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize