So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
