I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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