i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
