I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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