Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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