I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
