So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I wish there were birth control emojis
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
