i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
