I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
