this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
