Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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