You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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