I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Just cropdusted the office
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
