Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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