Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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