Me too!
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
