My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
