O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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