I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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