You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize