bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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