Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
