she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
