he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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