I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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