barbara walters just said penis...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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