So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
