Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
