conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
