I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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