Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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