one might say we're banned from that church
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
