plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize