the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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