That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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