I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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