if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
