Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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