You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You did what with his pubic hair?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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