Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
