Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
