he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
