the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
