YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
