Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
