Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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