i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize