Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Randomize
