Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
