I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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